


not just a language barrier

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-11
Updated: 2009-01-11
Packaged: 2019-02-01 22:16:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12713928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Five times Kusano and Jin got away with talking shit on people in English, and the one time they got caught.





	not just a language barrier

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

> 1\. Yamapi

“I’m fucking your sister,” Kusano says clearly.

In English.

Yamapi frowns. “Japanese!”

Meanwhile, Jin’s turning red from trying not to laugh. Particularly when Yamapi turns to him and demands to know what his youngest bandmate just said to him.

“I don’t know,” Jin lies, and Yamapi smacks him because he knows he’s lying.

“This is fun,” Kusano goes on in English. “He’s getting so pissed off.”

“It’s nice to have someone around to talk to in English,” Jin says to him. “I’m glad Pi made me add you on Facebook.”

“Yeah, he loves me,” Kusano replies with a smug grin.

“Not as much as he loves me,” Jin says with folded arms.

Yamapi looks blankly between both of them, then rolls his eyes and leaves the room in a huff.

Kusano and Jin exchange a glance. “Ryo.”

> 2\. Ryo

“You’re such a douchebag,” Jin says in a calm voice. “I honestly don’t know how Pi puts up with your shit constantly.”

Ryo blinks sleepily. “What about Pi?” he asks in Japanese. “You know I don’t understand English, fucker.”

“Exactly,” Kusano jumps in. “Your big nose would get stuck in the ceiling cracks if you weren’t so goddamn short.”

Jin and Kusano snicker while Ryo narrows his eyes. “Get out of here.”

“Hey,” Kusano says suddenly, switching to Japanese. “You know I missed you while I was gone, right?”

A sluggish smile spreads on Ryo’s face. “I missed you too, turd.”

“Yeah,” Kusano goes on. “There was this girl that reminded me a lot of you, except that she was taller-”

Jin barely grabs Kusano by the collar and drags them both out of the room before Ryo gets to his feet and gives chase. “What the fuck, did you forget?” he hisses as they run for their lives.

“Nope!” Kusano replies gleefully. “Ryo-chan’s more fun when he knows what’s going on.”

> 3\. Shige

“Are you sure?” Shige asks for the thousandth time.

Jin and Kusano nod convincingly. “Be sure to say it just like that,” Kusano tells him. “One-hundred percent effective.”

“I used it constantly,” Jin adds, and Kusano actually thinks he’s telling the truth.

“Okay,” Shige says skeptically, taking a deep breath before crossing the park and approaching the exchange student from his ethics class.

In the bushes, Jin and Kusano can hardly contain themselves. Both strain their ears to hear what happens, but it turns out that neither one needed to make the effort.

“I HAVE A GIANT PENIS,” Shige yells in English, making a flock of birds take off from behind the bench where the girl sits. “PLEASE MAKE SEX WITH ME.”

“Wait,” Jin hisses, interrupting Kusano’s hysterics. “Isn’t it ‘ _have_ sex’?”

“It’s funnier this way,” Kusano manages to gasp out.

Meanwhile, the girl looks up at him in some sort of shocked amusement and tilts her head. “Excuse me?” she says slowly.

Then Shige says it _again_ , and this time Jin falls over Kusano, both clutching onto the other in uncontrolled laughter.

When they come to, Shige’s eyeing the pair of them oddly. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

Kusano shoves Jin off of him and looks expectantly at Shige. “So what happened?”

Shige holds up a small piece of paper, looking smug. “I got her number.”

Both Jin and Kusano’s laughter ceases. “ _What_ ,” they say in unison.

“I guess it worked.” Shige shrugs. “Thanks.”

“No fucking way,” Kusano says in English. “That girl must be a whore.”

“What?” Shige asks, looking hopeful.

“I’m sure she’s very nice,” Kusano tells him in Japanese.

Now Jin laughs harder.

> 4\. Kame

“I used to like, idolize you so hard,” Kusano confesses. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Kame doesn’t look up from his book. “If you want to talk to me, you’ll need to speak in Japanese.”

“Your glasses are hideous,” Kusano goes on. “What happened to you?”

In the back of the room, Ueda snorts in amusement. He’s on their side.

“I hate every fiber of your being,” Jin says cheerfully, plopping down on the couch next to Kame and making kissy faces at him. “I think Kusa-chan should switch places with you and be the K.”

Kame bats him away. “Stop distracting me, I’m _busy_.”

“Jin and me would be so much hotter than Jin and you,” Kusano goes on.

“Fo’ shiz,” Jin agrees.

Ueda nods.

Sighing, Kame closes his book and looks at Jin, then Kusano. “Are you two _trying_ turn me on?”

Jin makes a disgusted face while Kusano bursts into laughter.

“Because if not, you should stop it,” Kame says, then licks his lips.

Kusano’s the first one out the door, Jin on his heels. They run all the way outside, where Koyama and Shige are smoking and looking at them strangely.

“Don’t-” Kusano says breathlessly. “Don’t ever speak English to Kame.”

Next to him, Jin wonders if he can translate LoveJuice into Japanese before the next concert.

> 5\. Tegoshi

“You’re so hot,” Kusano says with a straight face. “Sometimes I forget you’re not really a girl.”

Tegoshi twirls around in his Mrs. Claus outfit, and even Jin has to remind himself that Tegoshi most definitely does have boy parts. (Everyone has seen them, even Jin’s group.)

“I wonder if it feels different,” Kusano thinks out loud. “I could just bend you over and…”

He trails off when Tegoshi grins more brightly and trots up to him. “What is Hiro-chan talking so seriously about in English? You know I don’t understand.”

Kusano makes a stupid face and Jin strolls up to save him. Unfortunately he catches a glimpse of Tegoshi’s sparkly _makeup_ and falters. In his walking. Kusano barely catches him as they both try to contain their drooling.

“Is something wrong?” Tegoshi asks blankly.

“You can have the back,” Jin hisses in English. “I want the mouth.”

“Deal,” Kusano agrees right away.

Luckily, Tegoshi chooses that moment to flounce away, the back of his skirt bouncing teasingly in a way that has both Jin and Kusano craning their necks to see under.

They never speak of this moment again.

> XXX. Yamapi again

“He humps in his sleep,” Jin tells Kusano over dinner. “One time I shared a bed with him and almost entered the gay club.”

“Unsurprising,” Kusano replies. “I mean, look at those lips. He would suck a mean dick.”

They both examine Yamapi’s mouth as he slurps ramen.

Yamapi is not impressed. “Would you two stop speaking English around me? It makes me think you’re saying bad things.”

“I would _never_ do that,” Jin says sincerely in Japanese. “So,” he turns back to Kusano, and English. “How’s Yamapi’s sister in bed?”

“Oh, she’s amazing,” Kusano answers. “She can put her ankles behind her head and she has no gag reflex.”

“ _Nice_ ,” Jin says with a nod. “Are you two exclusive? I should hit that.”

“Not exclusive, but…” Kusano thumbs towards Yamapi. “She specifically said you were off the F-list.”

“F-list?” Jin inquires.

“Fuck list,” Kusano clarifies. “Because you’re his best friend and all.”

“Damn.” Jin frowns. “Maybe you could like, sneak me in.”

Kusano laughs. “What, like blindfold her and pretend you’re me?”

At the end of the table, Yamapi continues slurping obliviously.

“Yeah, think she would notice?” Jin asks seriously.

“Probably,” Kusano answers. “Sorry.”

A throat clears from the doorway, and Kusano pauses with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth. Yamashita Rina leans against the wall with her arms folded, a smirk at the corner of her lips.

“Shit,” Kusano hisses.

“Rina-chan!” Yamapi says happily. “What brings you over?”

“Surprise!” she says in perfect English, staring incredulously at Kusano as she places a wrapped dish on the counter and switches back to Japanese. “Mom sent me over with food so that Niichan doesn’t waste away to nothing.”

“How thoughtful,” Yamapi tells her. “Tell her thanks. You remember Kusano, right?”

“Unfortunately,” she says with a smile. “By the way, Niichan, these two think you have very nice lips.”

Jin drops his chopsticks, which make a loud noise as they hit his plate.

“Ah, my little sister, so good at English!” Yamapi boasts. “What else were they saying?”

Rina glances at Kusano. “Nothing important. Just some girl they both want to sleep with.”

Locking their eyes together, Kusano does obscene things to a piece of meat with his tongue where Yamapi can’t see.

“Nice try,” Rina says in English. “Now you’re _both_ off the F-list. Bye, Niichan!”

“Bye! Thanks for stopping by!” Yamapi waves with both hands.

Kusano’s face falls as he watches her leave. “I’m not talking to you in English anymore,” he mumbles.

Then Jin starts speaking in some language Kusano doesn’t recognize, doesn’t even think is _real_. It sounds like gibberish, making no sense in either Japanese or English.

Yamapi replies in the same code and smirks, nodding at Kusano.

Rolling his eyes, Kusano thinks people who talk in other languages around someone who doesn’t understand it are lame.


End file.
